I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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