Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
