WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
