I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
