you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
