Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
