i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
