no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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