He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize