Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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