i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
