Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize