I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
