Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
