A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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