Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
