apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
