I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
