Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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