Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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