she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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