ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
