Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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