Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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