i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
