3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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