I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
