Plan B is the new Plan A
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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