reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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