for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
