He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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