That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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