just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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