Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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