i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
