Don't you send me to vm
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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