he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
