I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
