My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
