I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
