So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
