you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mom said you looked used
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
