Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
