new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
