So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
