the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
