Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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