Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
