I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
