Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
