I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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