I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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