White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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