May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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