I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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