So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize