if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
