I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
