my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
