I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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