Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
