My Higher Power is John Stamos
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
