I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
