I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
