i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drake has all the answers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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