New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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