My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
