we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
