To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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