also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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