You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love you.
Bad choice
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
