remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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