he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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