You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
