I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
