Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
